Franchises That Make Me LOL

The decision to write this came solely on a whim, sparked by yet another questionable decision by the Knicks that I will describe later. It made me think how much humor I find when stupid people do stupid things. I figured then, for completion purposes, to publicly call out those organizations that have failed to the point that I actually have laughed at them.

Detroit Lions
The franchise that has drafted a wide receiver in the first round of four of the last six drafts never ceases to amaze me. For years, they continually employed a man that has driven a team into the ground that still gets a national spotlight on Thanksgiving. Finally, they fired GM/CEO/Moron Matt Millen in the first right move they have made in years, but just when I was ready to give the 0-7 Lions a much needed break, quarterback Dan Orlovsky does this.

Kansas City Chiefs
Herm Edwards, Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, and (yes, he's good, but a disaster right now) Larry Johnson.

Pittsburgh Pirates
95, 94, 95, 95, 89, 87, 89, 100, 93, 83, 93. Those were the loss totals for the Pirates over the last 11 years. How terrible is a franchise if they can't have at least one winning season in the past 16 years. It's one thing to be bad, but give the Pirates credit, at least they are consistent.

New York Knicks
Where do I begin? This is the reason I even wrote this in the first place. This abomination all started with the idiotic hiring of Isiah Thomas. Thomas destroyed everything Larry Bird had built up for the Pacers but was named the President of Basketball Operations for the Knicks in 2003. Since then, he has taken one of the most popular franchises in sports and demolished them to insignificance. The Knicks have made one bad decision after another, starting with a trade for Stephon Marbury orchestrated by Isiah Thomas. Factor in an awful trade for Eddie Curry where the Knicks gave up two first round picks, neither of which was protected in case the Knicks ended up in the lottery. As a side note, Sports Illustrated reported that Eddie Curry sat on an exercise ball during the offseason and popped it. I can't help but laugh at this team. Finally, after firing Isiah Thomas, (years too late) they seemed to be on the way to recovery with smart signings of Mike D'Antoni and Donnie Walsh. After everything started looking brighter, the Knicks announced today that they cut Patrick Ewing, Jr. to get the roster down to the required 15. Maybe on a basketball standpoint this isn't the worst move in the world, but this franchise has absolutely nothing going for it at this point. Any sign of good expectations, no matter how slim, is a step in the right direction, and even if Ewing, Jr. never plays, simply having the name "Patrick Ewing" on the Knicks should make both Knicks fans smile. But alas, the stupid decision was made by the stupid people, and the Knicks have sent me from LOLing to ROFLing once more.

How to fix the Yankees (part 329847293874)

Let me say right off the bat that the rumors of the demise of the New York Yankees has been Tragically over exaggerated. Lets take a look, as I always like to do, at the numbers that tell the true story. As you see here,

The first thing you have to consider, obviously, is wins. It is the one defining, lasting characteristic of a season. The number of wins the Yankees ended up with may surprise you, that number is 89. To put that in perspective, when they won the World Series in 2000, they finished with 87 wins. In 2007 they finished with 94 wins. The problem this year was that they played in one of the strongest divisions in the history of major league baseball. The Rays and Red Sox both went deep into the playoffs and had 97 and 95 wins respectively. Since there can only be one wildcard, the Sox edged them out. If the playoffs were decided by merit only and there were no divisions, just the top 8 teams, they Yankees would have been a 7 seed, they finished with more wins than the Dodgers who made the playoffs, and had Joe Torre. I'm just saying.

Anyway, there is obvious temptation to hit the panic button, but prudence is imperative...prudence of course is relative, Yankee prudence. So some quick hit thoughts about how to fix the Yanks:

1. Sign Mark Texiera

This goes without saying, we fill 1b with as solid a position player as there is in the league and do it for less money than Giambi was due to receive, no brainer. Get Tex, spare no cost.

2. Bring back Moose

This may seem unpopular, but the guy had 20 wins and was an absolute ace. He has finally adjusted to his new velocity, or lack there of, and should be able to be as suitable a 4/5th starter as there is in the league. Give him 2 years, let him get to 300 wins (he stands at 270). The money is an issue, its better to overpay short term than lock up a guy long term, which brings me to....

3. Leave CC alone

There is no way this guy with that body can last 7 years effectively and deserves the kind of money he will be asking for. Don't even bother getting in the bidding war, steer clear. He is a disaster waiting to happen and having him locked up long term will end up being a burden later on. Again, pay short term, spare your long term.

4. Re-sign Pavano

Another possibly unpopular move, but we have sunk $40 Mil to get this guy healthy and have nothing to show for it, if we get him short term again, 2-3 years, with options for maybe a 4th and 5th, we can have a solid back of the rotation guy with a newly repaired elbow, if nothing else this will be a great insurance policy.

5. Cano and Melky

Yea, I don't know what to do with these two, but they need to play better or we are doomed haha.

Any comments?

Hockey, eh

So the hockey season is in full swing and so far, the Devils of New Jersey are looking fairly good, (besides this weekend's games). Obviously since we played the two teams I hate the most this week, The Rangers and Flyers, and God hates my sports teams, they lost all three. Martin Brodeur made just a silly save that had no business being saved, he is a phenom. The stinkbomb thrown on the ice Saturday during OT was obviously a sign of class from the always amicable Philadelphia fans and the reason the Devils lost.

Zach Parise and Patrick Zajac are two emerging stars and hopefully we lock them up for the long term, obviously adding another scorer would help and getting Holik and Rolston back will be a boost.

Les Miserables (read: NY Jets Fans)

Another week and another pathetic stumble to the finish line victory by the head of scouting for the Detroit Lions Brett Favre and the boys in Green (yes you may recall they do actually wear green jerseys and are not the Titans, they are 6-0).

The most notable point of this game was the once again yawn-inspiring offense from Brian Schottenheimer and Man-not a genius. A few things to point out about the offense by the numbers:

135

As in135 rushing yards against a Chief team that is last in the league in rush defense, take away a 60 yard run (by far the longest rush of the season by a Jet) by Leon Washington, and they posted a pathetic 75 yards, or an average of 3.3 yards per carry. A pedestrian number for an offensive line that boasts 4 number 1 picks. This brings us to...

6

As in 6 offensive touches for Leon Washington. The guy is the most explosive player on the team bar none, the only player who can create his own space and the only player who is a threat to break free every time he touches the ball. The fact that he only got 6 touches is a crime, 3 rushes, one of which he broke free for a 60 yarder on what was nothing more than an iso up the middle, and 3 catches, one being a dump pass he took for 18 yards and the score. I can't make it any clearer, get this guy the ball!!!

1

As in less than 1 yard to go on a 3rd down play late in the game in the Jets zone. Instead of pounding it up the gut with Jones, or even rolling out on a playfake and dumping off to a back or one of the three amigos we have playing TE, we decide to send one on Fed Ex overnight air in a laughable pass that was nowhere near a completion. Yes throw the ball deep, no not on 3rd and one in our own zone.

3.9

As in 3.9 yards per carry by featured back Thomas Jones. I always thought Jones was a serviceable runner, but thats basically all he is. He is only capable of getting what you give him. One thing our offense lacks is the possibility of getting a first down on 1st and 10 or 2nd and 8-10 on a run play. Curtis Martin did this beautifully, he was the master of the 12 yard run when we needed it. He would rarely break out for 60-80, but boy was he good at getting 12, Emmit Smith was the same way. Jones just barrels into where he's supposed to go and hopes momentum takes him home, not a very creative runner.

In closing, the Jets are never going to be dominant in a game they should be dominant in, and will probably never be out of a game they should be out of, they are gonna hang around punchdrunk and hopefully steal enough wins to make the playoffs. The defense is playing great, and Kerry Rhodes is probably the best safety in the NFL right now.

This week at Buffalo will be the first real test since the New England game, this is a big game.